Published on the 1st and 3rd Monday of each month

How I Dealt With the Loss of My Wife

Mar 5 2007, Mike Estep

On June 16, 2005, my beautiful wife of 20 years, Rhonda, and I were in a car accident. Rhonda did not survive. The first several months that ensued were horrible to say the least. I worshiped the ground Rhonda walked on and I was devastated.

Doctors tried to get me to take Lexapro. I tried it for a few days. It made me feel absolutely numb. This was not the answer for me. It was better to feel raw emotion than nothing. So, I decided to embrace the grieving process. I cried every day for many months. There were days I wanted to die, but I kept going.

I made a promise to myself not to date for a minimum of 1 year. I needed time to heal emotionally. I also did this out of respect for Rhonda's family, whom I love very much.

I attended counseling for about 6 months and this seemed to help quite a bit in learning to deal with my emotions.

I also learned to appreciate the fragility of life and the time I have with my family. I thank God for loaning Rhonda to me and our children for 20 years. From personal events I've witnessed, I also believe that in some ways my wife is still around watching out for me and our children from time to time.

My Rhonda was an amazing and brilliant woman. A friend of ours posted a memorial website that honors her memory as well. The guestbook contains many posts about how she affected the lives of her family, friends, colleagues, and students.

When this site was first put up, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest to look at it. I can now look at it with an occasional tear, wonderful memories, and peace.

I currently play in a band, Arbuckle Xpress. We put out a CD this past summer. The guys in the band were very gracious to allow me to include a song honoring the memory of my Rhonda. It's called "Where Do I Go from Here?" I also felt like the song might be helpful to others that have experienced a loss.

In July of 2006, I was introduced to a wonderful lady, Tina, through mutual friends. She was widowed like me and we had much in common. After several months of dating, we are now engaged. I don't believe it to be a coincidence that we found each other.

For those of you reading this, you can get through the grief - just hang in there. Even though it hurts, grieving is part of living and we can become stronger people for it.